“The only way you can know is give it all you have
And I hope that you don’t suffer but take the pain
Hope when the moment comes, you’ll say, I, I did it all”~ One Republic

This song came on my shuffle the other night when I was running.  It’s currently one of my favorite songs for running.  I can be having the worst, slowest run, and if this song comes up, it instantly perks me up.  Sometimes I’ll hit repeat on it a few times, it motivates me that much.

Many times when I run, everything gets so clear.  The other night, I had an amazing view of Long’s Peak, as the sun was setting, the sun shining through the clouds, and it all became very clear to me that for me, running is how I live.  It’s how I heal myself. It’s how everything makes sense to me.  It’s been my guide, and my solace for 7 years now.

“I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places, the things that I did
With every broken bone, I swear I lived”~ One Republic

When the above lyrics were playing, I substituted “with every broken bone, I swear I lived,” with “with every mile I’ve run, I swear I lived.” All the thousands of miles I’ve run since 2009, after I had cancer, they have all led me to a healthier mind, body, and spirit. Every mile I’ve run has allowed me to live my life to the fullest physically that I can do.  I’ve amazed myself over the years with running- reaching physical goals, at times I could only dream about. From not being able to get out of bed without help, to placing second in an elite division for my age group, just a year later. To running personal bests for distances, running further, to getting out there and running even on days, I didn’t want to.  To not quitting.  To living.  Running has allowed me to achieve those goals and so much more.

When your body gets a disease like cancer, it can feel in ways your body “failed” you.  It’s hard to not feel defective at times.  I have carried this with me for years. I don’t talk, or write about it very often.  I still don’t know what caused my cancer, but I don’t focus on that. Running has been the anti-venom to counter those thoughts for me.  Running has shown me time and time again, how healthy my entire body and spirit is.  I don’t have all the answers, but I know I couldn’t have the level of personal success I’ve had with running if my mind and body were not in sync and healthy.

I thought about after the very first 5K I ran, just 2 months after having been so sick, I couldn’t get out of bed or take care of my children.  It really was a feeling I can’t put into words, and I decided then I was going to run a marathon “some day.”  That was my goal and still is. I’ve never let that go, or rather that desire has never let go of me.  In a way, I felt and still do, when I run one, it will be full circle.  I feel like my running and my health isn’t complete until I run a marathon.  It will be my giving it all I have- Mind, body, and spirit.

I’ve been toying with running a marathon finally this year. I’ve been slowly but surely building up my mileage on long runs.  But I hadn’t committed yet.  It’s the last major running goal, I’ve wanted to do, which is still unanswered.  Like the post I wrote, Are You Committed or Interested? When you are committed you accept no excuses, just results.  In my mind, I’ve been accepting excuses on why I couldn’t do a marathon yet.  There are always reasons not to.

But running the other night, just reflecting on how far I’ve come, these lyrics playing, and me realizing in that moment, this is what I do. It’s who I am.  I’m a runner.  I’m a survivor, I’ve endured and healed every injury I’ve ever had, and come back stronger.  I have given it my all so many times, and it’s always been an amazing experience and reminds me “I lived.”

This all led me to the thought, “What am I waiting for?” The only way I will know, is to give it all I have and to own it.  The only time any of us have is now.  There will never be a better time to finally go for my dream.

It makes me so appreciative and happy to write that I’m going to find out, the only way I can know….by giving it all I have.  It’s been 7 years training to get to this point, but I’ve committed and registered for a marathon on November 13, 2016-  the Las Vegas Rock & Roll Marathon!  One thing I really liked about this particular marathon is it starts at 4:30 PM- I’m an evening runner, so this is perfect for me.

I always train harder than I anticipate the race to be. I am going to be careful and build up mileage slowly but surely- I have six months, but come November, I’ll have my moment- finally- to own every second I can.  In the meantime I’m going to enjoy the training, and appreciate what my body can do.  Who knows when and if I will ever be able to do this again, so I’m going to make it count.  I’m doing it all!  🙂